Thoughts from a writing mom

First bit of writing I’ve done in public in a while and it’s at a busy, kid-filled splash pad.   It’s partly cloudy out so I’m actually comfortable sitting outside watching my kids now and that is not a frequent feeling in the middle of July in Texas! This week has been hard.   Frustrating - over the uphill climb of trying to clean my house, trying to deal with fighting, needy kids, picking up puppy poop and wanting-a-break-from-being-needed hard.   It’s normal stuff.   Menial.   I know. I know my puppy will eventually potty train and his messes are temporary.   I know.   I know one day it will be easier to keep house.   I know.   And I know that my kids are growing fast and that one day I will miss the chaos and the being needed.   I know. But sometimes the weight of my responsibilities is heavy and I’m feeling it this week. Despite my grumpy, feel-sorry-for-myself attitude, I’m able to move forward. Continue with my...

This past weekend I attended my third annual reunion with my best Navy friends – girls that I was stationed with fifteen years ago at Helicopter Mine Countermeasures Squadron 15 (HM-15) which was located at Naval Air Station Corpus Christi, TX at the time (it has since moved to Norfolk, VA.)   Some backstory on my journey to HM-15: I initially joined the Navy with the hopes of becoming a Navy JO (journalist.) I liked to write (is it obvious that I still do?)   I also was the editor-in-chief of my high school newspaper and loved it, so I wanted to continue writing in that capacity. I was told by my recruiter that the JO rate was closed, and I would have to join as something else.   Okay. I still wanted to join the Navy, so I asked the career counselor assisting me at MEPS (military entrance processing center) if he had any ideas of something exciting. “Aircrew.” He told me. “Sign me up!” I said. It sounded VERY exciting. I was game.   Months later I found mysel...

Last night my husband and I were QUADRUPLE-booked for the evening. One kid had karate. One kid had soccer practice. One kid had a baseball game, and as parents we were scheduled for concession stand duty for our other son’s baseball team. Understandably I was worrying about how we’d get it all done. But then, our daughter’s soccer coach texted that he had a work conference call come up unexpectedly so he’d be canceling practice. YES! One less thing. My husband took my son to his game and then hit up the concession stand for duty. I took my daughter to karate with all of the other kids in tow. I was able to get to the fields to watch the last half of my son’s game and my husband was able to continue working the concession stand as our kids played outside. We keep doing this, he and I. We are crazy booked with all of these kids and their activities but we are making it all happen for them. It would be a massive lie if I told you it’s always rainbows and butterflies and we’re...

I received a rejection today. Not my first, and I'm certain it will not be my last. No rejections feel great, but this one in particular stung because I really believed that this project was a good one. I thought I did well, and the one receiving it thought otherwise. So this grown 35-year-old woman cried. Big, fat tears. And whined to her husband about it.   And thought that maybe she should just quit because what is the point of all of these hours spent writing if they aren’t paying our bills, and if they aren’t even appreciated? Today felt a little more like being punched in the gut than a simple rejection. It hurt and I wallowed in it.   I let myself sit and roll around in self-pity and I’m embarrassed now and am only sharing because transparency feels like the best policy if I’m writing, you know? Briefly I felt like giving all of this up.   Quitting. I’m not good enough.   I’ve shared that with friends before, my feelings on my writing talent, or l...

Thanksgiving is tomorrow . . . WHAT?! Time continues to get weirder as I age.   (It sounds as if I’m calling myself old in that last sentence. I’m not. 35 is still totally young. Right?)   Time is moving so quickly I feel I can hardly keep up. But here we are, and as I was reflecting earlier on what I’m thankful for this year, I decided I wanted to share it. I’m thankful for a whole lot, but I’ll break down the big things here: First – The number one spot always has to go to God, my creator and the one whose grace sustains me even on the worst of days. My life is His, my hope rests in Him and He is so, so good.   Second – my husband, Michael, of course! We started dating in 2004, were married in 2008, had our first baby in 2009 and five more by 2015.   He is the hardest worker that I know (literally as I type this- he is working a double overtime shift for our family.) He is still my favorite person.   He is the best Dad – I keep saying I’m goi...

Because writing can be therapeutic.   Because Anne Lamott told me I could. Because I’m equal parts sad and angry right now.   No, more angry than sad. I’m also a little envious, and I know that envy is bad.   Really bad.   But if you have a mother that you have a good or even decent relationship with, I’m a little jealous right now. I’m also frustrated.   And at a loss.   And sharing this if I get brave enough because WHY? I don’t know yet. I can find solidarity with others, maybe? Someone will have a magic answer on what to do? I AM THE DAUGHTER OF AN ADDICT.   There.   I said it.   I never wish to share this.   I never wish to say negative things about the woman who birthed me.   And here we are . . . This addict had open-heart surgery on October 11 th .   Oh, she nearly died.   She had to be care-flighted from one hospital in Fort Worth to another in Dallas after a torn aorta was discovered. ...

This past Saturday my family and I drove from Austin to Lubbock for my husband’s paternal grandfather’s funeral. Jerry and Henrietta Decker Now, what I personally knew of Grandpa Decker is that he gave big, strong bear hugs every single time I saw him, and that he had a kind smile on his face when he would watch my children – his great-grandchildren – run around and play.   What I knew of him from my husband, is that he was a hard-working man who found the time and energy to play with my husband and his siblings when they would come and visit him as children, even after a long day of farming. This hard work I mentioned – Grandpa Decker farmed cotton.   It was undeniably hard work and he had a work ethic that has been inherited by his children and his grandchildren.   I’ve always said that one of the first traits I was attracted to upon meeting my husband was his drive.   My husband is still the most hard-working man I know, but more than that – he...